The Worst Doctor Who Serial Titles

Sometimes, it’s hard coming up with a title for something (e.g. see above).

The Tenth Planet

Okay, it was fine until forty years after it was first broadcast, and now there are only eight planets in the Solar System. Maybe Mondas brought another planet along with it.

The Ice Warriors

The origin of the myth that this is the actual name for the species – it isn’t, and if you still call them Ice Warriors, then you’re a racist. Sorry.

The Wheel in Space

Adding ‘Space’ to Random Words Doesn’t Make Them More Dramatic, part 1.

The Mind Robber

In which not a single mind is robbed.

The Space Pirates

‘Pirates – in Space!’ It sounds exciting, but the 7 episodes that follow it just… aren’t.

Colony in Space

Adding ‘Space’ to Random Words Doesn’t Make Them More Dramatic, part 2.

Day of the Daleks

What is the day of the Daleks, why is it their day, and which day is it?

The Sea Devils

Again – not what they’re called.

The Green Death

“In which some green stuff causes people to die” – Toby Hadoke

Death to the Daleks

Name a Dalek serial in which someone hasn’t been trying to kill them.

Revenge of the Cybermen

Revenge is an emotional response, so the Cybermen shouldn’t have anything to do with it. “Next week – Doctor Who and the Ennui of the Cybermen.”

The Deadly Assassin

Here we go – since an assassin’s job is to kill people, all assassins are either deadly or incompetent. Although I’d love to see ‘Doctor Who and the Useless Assassin’.

The Invisible Enemy

‘Microscopic’ isn’t the same thing as ‘invisible’. In fact, the Nucleus spends the whole of Part 4 being very visible indeed.

The Invasion of Time

It’s actually The Invasion of Gallifrey – presumable the Sontarans can invade the Time Vortex any time they want.

Destiny of the Daleks

If the Daleks have a destiny, this serial doesn’t tell us what it is.

City of Death

This isn’t actually bad, I’m just putting it in because apparently it’s a play on “cité de l’amour/la mort”.

Four to Doomsday

As my maths teacher might have said, “Four what? Elephants?” Always show your units.

Time-Flight

The entire show is about a man who flies through time.

Resurrection of the Daleks

The Daleks aren’t resurrected here, since they clearly don’t need it. At best it’s ‘The Defrosting of Davros’.

The Caves of Androzani

As the Doctor tells us in Part 1, they’re not caves, they’re blowholes. Well cave me.

Vengeance on Varos

There’s a lot of themes in this serial. Revenge is not one of them.

Revelation of the Daleks

They were clearly running out of abstract nouns by this point. It was presumably either this or ‘Concatenation of the Daleks’.

Time and the Rani

Makes about as much sense as ‘Time and the Master’.

Remembrance of the Daleks

Unfortunately, they cut the scene with Daleks wearing poppies at the Cenotaph.

“The Impossible Planet”

A black hole is a centre of gravity, which means it’s perfectly possible for a planet to orbit one. 0/10

“Fear Her”/”Blink”/”Turn Left”/”Hide”/”Listen”/”Kill the Moon”/”Sleep No More”/”Face the Raven”/”Smile”

I’m fed up with episode titles telling me what to do.

“Forest of the Dead”

All libraries are forests of the dead, if you think about it. Bet that cheered you up.

“The Vampires of Venice”

Sometimes, you get the strong suspicious they came up with the title before the plot.

“The Doctor’s Wife”

If it isn’t Cameca, I don’t want to know.

“The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe”

Presumably the ‘wardrobe’ refers to the Doctor’s cover story for his TARDIS, so it has hardly anything to do with the plot. And technically there’s no widow either.

“The Bells of Saint John”

Admit it, Steven – you had no idea what to call this, did you?

“Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS”/”The Pyramid at the End of the World”

Just too bloody long.

“World Enough and Time”

It’s a poem about a guy trying to get his girlfriend to have sex with him.

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